Things in November

So many things are happening that I haven't had the time to jot everything down... I am now on a weekly check-up with Uncle Kamal, and so far, we are doing OK. Two weeks left till D-Day, and I am getting more and more anxious. One minute I can't wait to deliver, and the next minute I feel like I don't mind waiting another month.


My temper is getting shorter and running faster than a burning candle. I am easily stressed out by the slightest thing. Things at work are great, but when I get home, I just miss Hubby more and more, and that makes me even more temperamental. Yes, I feel lonely, no one to luahkan perasaan, no one in my corner. And being alone most of the time makes me more anxious. I understand Hubby needs to work, so my emotions are purely hormonal. So please, it is not my fault entirely, as I am basically on my own here... Wish I had my own support system.


Well, let's go on to happier things. This Sunday we will have our Antenatal Class at DDMC! Yay! I really can't wait for the class as I have so many questions to ask... Lyn will be there too, and Kak Uji advised me to bring my bag along just in case the class turned out to be practical... hehe meaning that if I go into real labour.


Aleesya's stuff are coming along nicely. We got some really good quality rompers for her at a bargain at FOS, and will go back for more! My favorite one says "My Dad Rocks!" The only thing missing is a picture of a guitar. Her mattress is in place, I even had her bed sheet and pillow cases all in place. Her clothes and essentials are piling up bit by bit. 


Since Mak suggested I occupy the room downstairs for my confinement, I of course have to clear it out to make it livable. It's a jungle in there. So the day after Raya Haji, we pulled up our sleeves and gotong royong the room. Lots of the kids' toys were found, and everyone's junks or treasures were stored somewhere else. I moved the bed to make more room, so the crib can come in. After numerous times vacuuming, Abang brought over the mop for me. It took me 3 rounds of mopping to get the desired result. And poor Abang, he stepped on a piece of glass, which took hours to dig out as it was small and embedded deep inside his flesh... Ouch!


There was just a few more things to clear out from the room, but Abang insisted he will do the rest with the other boys. I will just do the light lifting. Hopefully by this weekend, we can have the room set up properly for the big day, because I think it will be very soon when Aleesya says Hi to us! Even the gals at work say that I look like I am ready to pop. 


Darn, I have so many things on my mind and my chest... I hope that GOD will help me persevere and deal with my own demons well. I need to cope and get through this with the strength I should carry out when I finally become the person I have wanted to be for the longest time now.... A MOTHER... God help me... Amin...

Check up at DDMC...

Abang took me to DDMC to see Uncle Kamal for my check up on Monday (17.10.11). As soon as he picked me up from Batu Caves KTM station, we sped off to Damansara Damai. I was suddenly overexcited over every little single thing... The simplest thing would have me chattering enthusistically, and Abang could hardly catch up. 


We arrived and registered at the counter. I performed my pre-examination routine; peeing on a stick and taking my blood pressure. So far all seems fine. We were 8 numbers away, so we patiently lounged at the waiting area and Abang tuned to the Donald Duck on TV2. I kept bothering him because I just had this abundant energy I need to release! Maybe I was excited at the thought of seeing Aleesya again on the ultrasound... hehehe...


Uncle Kamal finally saw us, and told us the wonderful news of Lin's pregnancy. She is 17 weeks along. In fact, she was in earlier that day. So another Gen3 next year! He told us to attend the Ante-natal class he will be conducting on the 13th of November (if I haven't popped yet, that is!) and join Lin as well. For us, it's FOC!! Yay! Thanks Uncle, you helped us save RM90.


Everything seems to be fine so far with my pregnancy, and Uncle ushered me to the ultrasound machine. Aleesya is so beautiful!! She has all the sharp features of her father. Her head is already making its decent, and is facing outward, towards my belly button. Uncle informed that she is now around 2.5kg, and I should control my sugar intake to avoid the baby becoming too big. Yikes! I glanced over to Abang, and he grinned at me knowingly, looking smug. Ok, fine, I'll control my sweet tooth... But can I have just ONE more Pegaga Dessert Chocolate Nutty Ice Kacang? Pretty please? 


Next, Uncle checked all the baby's vitals and physique, and said she looks fine and in good shape. No cleft or deformity. Alhamdulillah, praise God Almighty... He also checked the remaining amniotic fluid, and said that I have just enough to get through the pregnancy. I have 5 more weeks to go!! 


Lastly, he taught us how to do the 'mengira pergerakan janin'... He gave me a chart, and asked me to record the baby's movement. Daily, until my birth, I am to count Aleesya's movement starting from 9am. After the tenth kick, I can stop the count. If the count does not reach ten by 6pm, then I have to see him. Something could be wrong with her... Ooohhh I hope she kicks me all day then! I'll take the pain...


Before we left his office, he said I am due for another tetanus shot... Ouch, I don't look forward to it, as my last one left my arm sore for a week. I prefer the needle, I just don't like the soreness. It gets in the way of my mobility. He reminded us again on the ante-natal class, and after we salam and thank him, we were ushered to Room 2 by the nurse. There, I got my tetanus shot. OUCH!! The needle prick was painless, but the injection was painful! Abang was with me the entire time... Hehehe... You would have to be there too when Aleesya arrives...


At the counter, after Abang paid for the fees, I received a sample of Anmum baby formula and registered for the (free!) class. We saw Najah and Zul just going into the clinic as we left... We chatted for a while, and after we parted, me and Abang  extended our prayers to them. May they be as blessed as us soon... Amin...  


I was practically jumping up and down excitedly by now and Abang had to anchor me down to earth. He then treated me to Thai food, and I had ikan tiga rasa, ice kacang (after pujuking him, YAY!!), and pulut mangga... YUM!! Thanks Abang, kenyang Aleesya hehehehe...


Next check up at DDMC, 31 October 2011!!

Brace Thyself... More News on KTM...

Today's The Star Online reported that KTM Komuter will refund if train delayed more than 30 minutes. And they said that previously it was two hours, but last year revised to half an hour... And many were unaware... Then my question was why tell us now when you have revised it since last year? And why not improve service, minimize delays, increase trains, etc? Who cares about a refund? We have been waiting for more than half an hour between trains anyway today, without change, so this is not good news... It is in fact ancient news... It does not bring any difference whatsoever... This actually means we could have been riding the trains for FREE all this while... 


KTM Komuter, come back when you have something real to say... If not, stay where you are and remain incompetent... Thank you...


http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/10/17/nation/20111017141839&sec=nation

Only the Best from a Government Hospital... (Oh, Hospital Selayang...)

I received a piece of news to which I somehow was unsure in responding. Should I laugh? Should I cry? Should I be in denial? Should I BELIEVE it? Sigh...


My husband went to Hospital Selayang's Urology Department to set an appointment for the ultrasound scan his doctor ordered to determine a more specific image of his kidney stones. After dropping me and Shahnaz off at work, he sped off to the hospital. As usual, parking was a pain, and so was the wait. Well, can't complain there, since we are not describing Prince Court.


I texted Hubby and told him to call me as soon as he got the date and has settled matters at the hospital. It wasn't long after my text that he called, and that was when my fine Monday was ruined. My husband has received the date for his ultrasound scan appointment... Drum roll please... 17th January 2012...! My husband is peeing blood and in constant pain, and they want to spy those stones when my baby (who is still floating around in my uterus) reaches 2 months of age... So, how do I respond?


I decided that (after wasting valuable time shaking my head in disbelief) the adult thing to do was not blame the hospital entirely. It will only upset me, as my memories flooded back to arwah Bapak's time there as well as Mak's delayed MRI, which detected her cancer. Again, we are not describing Prince Court, therefore, I cannot complain as much as I would the lousy KTM Komuter.


I told my husband, I have no intention to wait until Aleesya has the attention span of 5 minutes to find out if his kidneys are gonna be OK or not. We will continue with our natural remedy as well as ask Uncle Paul and other relatives how to best get rid of the stones. I will also try to look into our Maybank Insurance Policy and see if there is anything that can be done to claim treatment.


As of now, patience is essential for me to keep my own peace of mind... I think I need it more than Hubby...

Mata bertentang mata...

Getting nostalgic all of a sudden. This was the first time I ever saw my husband. I was an emcee with Syafik for Rawana & Laman Etnik at Dewan Filharmonik PETRONAS, and there was Raja Hisham Azaham, DFP's sound engineer, fixing my mic. The first thing he ever said to me, his future bride, was, "Jangan takut, mic ni tak makan orang..." I will remember that til the day I die, because I was so intimidated by him. He looked so stern and scary that I couldn't even look at him, for fear his eyes would somehow devour my soul! Ok, I exaggerate. But I am not kidding! He scared the pants off of me the first time I met him. Which got me thinking, how on God's green earth did this picture managed to capture him smiling...?


Abang, were you thinking about how cute I was? Was that why you were smiling? Hehehehe... I love you...

Me talking to the mic, Abang opposite me checking the mic... Hehehe

The Disgrace of Transportation...

Insaf...! How I miss my smooth (albeit the full house most of the times) train rides on the Putra LRT! The service at KTM not only sucks, but everything about the commuters is a reflection that the dark ages are still in Malaysia. 


When I worked at KLCC (sob sob rindu), my primary mode of transportation was the Putra LRT. I never had any major problems. Even if there were, it was on very rare occasions, like when it rained heavily, maintenance or a train broke down. This happened only rarely! The frequency of the trains are also such that the longest you have to wait is 10 minutes. And the convenience was that we could use the Touch N Go service. There are even vending machines for Touch N Go cards at the stations! How cool is that? At the Commuter station, you can't even top up your Touch N Go. 


I now take this wretched transportation service to work. How do I rate it out of 10? Only 0.5... And I think this score is gracious enough because of the ladies' coach... What do I have to complain about? Well, lets go through list... It makes me ponder on the fact what the point of the whole Komuter bullshit was in the first place...


1. Not enough trains... You would think that after a few decades and the not so cheap ticket price, they would have added enough trains to accommodate the thousands of passengers that increase in amount every day...


2. The lousy and unfriendly staff. It is as if their attitude must match the service of the commuters.


3. The long wait. For LRT, the minimum wait is 3-4 minutes. Maximum is 10 minutes. For commuters, the minimum is 30 minutes, the maximum? The sky is the limit. I have once waited for almost over an hour. So if you missed a train? Hahahaha.... 


4. Sardine-like capacity... It seems that rubbing yourself against another passenger has become a normal occurrence in the coaches especially when you are the unlucky ones who board the train at hot spot stations during peak hours. And when you get to KL Sentral, you can hear the uncivilized shouts from right and  left, cursing and shouting at everyone to move in as far as they can. The most sophisticated lady can turn into an ugly wicked witch when faced in this situation. Seriously, it sounded like a third-rate pasar malam from Thailand or something. This happens EVERYDAY... Improvements? When hell freezes over...


5. Normal delays and breakdowns... Oh yes... This is what the KTM Komuter is so famous about since its inception. It is as if they are trying to win an award year after year on who can have the most inefficient service and the most delays and breakdowns for trains... Yup, you win hands down, KTM.


6. The bitterness of the passengers... The awful service of the Komuter itself has pushed the passengers to become a more grouchy and bitter person. This is due to the fact that they don't look forward to ride the train, but they have no choice. So the dissatisfaction they feel for the Komuter is translated into their attitude and thus the courtesy Malaysians are supposedly famous for vanishes once you are on this train. Only a handful with a conscience will surrender their seats to the elderly, the pregnant ladies, the OKU and the more needy ones. Others will only look on shamelessly, thinking to themselves, "I have fought hard for this seat, no way in hell I am giving it up no matter who you are!" And there are also the famous ones, the ones who pretend not to notice that you need a seat by pretending to be fast asleep...


The trigger for me writing this was when I used my Touch N Go card at the Komuter, thinking to relive the convenience I enjoyed at Putra LRT where I do not have to stand in line for tickets, or in case I don't have change to get the tickets at the vending machine, or simply if I don't have the money that day. Touch N Go would be my lifesaver. Imagine my shock, anger and utter disbelief when I noticed the Touch N Go swipe ripped me off!! It was my second day using the card, and if I did not look at the balance, I would not have noticed that I was ripped off by RM10 for a single ride which was only RM2!! And later that evening when my ride back was supposed to only be RM1, I was charged with RM2. That's it!! I confronted the staff at Batu Caves station and asked if their Touch N Go swipe was faulty. He was very nice but got on my nerve because he kept defending the machine. He even gave instructions on how to go to KL Sentral and complained about my card, and see if they can detect what is at fault with my card. WTF!? I calmly told him (only because he was nice) that my card never encountered any problems, ever, and has been used extensively at toll plazas, Putra LRT and even STAR LRT. He then replied that my card could be 'tiba-tiba rosak kot'. Before I wrestle this guy for the next stupid thing that comes out of his mouth, I just asked him: "Would you advice me not to use my card at Komuter at the moment?" "Hehehe ok ok just stop using first..." Idiot... 


I have got loads more to complain, but lets just take a look at this article, shall we? It shed so much light on KTM's incompetency, as well as reminding people that there is nothing to proud of in KTM Komuter...  
http://standupformalaysia.blogspot.com/2009/07/ktm-komuter-decade-and-half-not-enough.html


So people, avoid this crappy ride if you can... Unfortunately, I can't... But I am reassuring myself that there is a place in heaven for victims of KTM Komuter Berhad...

My night of terror...

Sian my hubby… Maybe I haven’t been sensitive enough to his complaints of pain lately… I was so busy thinking about my own. Well, now I regretted insisting him check his health a lot earlier.

Last week was a gruelling 9-day UiTM Showcase that Abang handled (sound wise). He lacked the sleep, the rest and was forever hauling heavy equipments off and on the stage. Thank God for the crews, but nonetheless, his body was still under duress and a lot or physical stress. In fact, his voice was gone and barely audible due to extreme fatigue. Sigh… I could only watch him as I myself was waddling back and forth trying to precariously balance myself every time I moved.

After the UiTM job, he continued working at the studio back in Selayang. His complaints of body aches and pains got worse. I seriously did not know what to do… He kept ignoring them and said that he would just ride it out. He suspected it could be gout, as his pains seemed similar to Aie’s. He started to limp a bit. Deep down, I know I wouldn’t be able to accept the fact if he were to be diagnosed with gout. I just don’t want to imagine my husband as a sick person. I don’t think I can handle it. To me, he is the healthiest human being alive who God will grace with longevity and happiness… No sickness for him…

Last night, after coming back from the studio, he was in worse pain. Guiltily, I was groggy and hardly noticed he was home. Mind you, I was sneezing the entire day at the office, had sore throat, runny nose, and a fever that came and went. I also skipped dinner because of the lack of appetite, though I managed to force myself to spring clean the house (basically cleaned out my wardrobe, did a few laundries and vacuumed the house). So I was on the brink of exhaustion. Somehow from my on and off slumber, I kept hearing him moaning in pain. I got up and looked for him. He was writhing on the bed. Still groggy, I was deeply concerned but somehow annoyed why he was sick when I am sick… So horrid of me!! I practically scolded him! I can’t believe it, I was a monster… But for the record (and also off the record, for that matter) I would like to blame it on my hormones. Because I refuse to believe I wasn’t sensitive enough last night. And I was not yet fully awake. So yeah, that’s my excuse.

I didn’t want to disturb Aie, so I got dressed, and insisted that I drive him to the hospital. All of a sudden, I heard a painful gagging sound… I rushed to the bathroom and saw that he had spilled his guts all over the bathroom floor. I panicked. This is bad… I just wanted to quickly go to the hospital, but he even tried to clean up the mess with Mr. Muscle. I had to almost scold him again to get him moving. He called Mak to inform Aie or Ajim, as he was worried if anything happened there will be no way I could bear his weight. Thankfully, Ajim drove us. I was thankful for his assistance; because it turned out I couldn’t even push his wheelchair.

For Hospital Selayang and its usual snail-paced service we have been accustomed to, last night was quite fast. We arrived at 2am, and were home by 4am. After triage, the doctor gave Abang an injection of painkillers to relieve him of his pain. We didn’t have to wait long before the doctor called his name. We didn’t even have to wait for the number. The doctor was really nice and courteous, which is lacking nowadays in government hospitals, especially at this hour. She said she was new there, so she was quite unsure of protocols and whatnots. She was kind to Abang and expressed genuine concern over his obvious pain. She asked thoroughly and asked for a urine test. While waiting for the result of the urine test, the doctor requested an X-Ray as she suspected stones in his kidney. Again, we didn’t have to wait long until the doctor called us again and gave us the results. There was blood present in the urine which indicated stones in his kidney, although the X-Ray did not pick it up. She passed a letter she has written, which will refer him to the Urology Department, where a more specific scan will pick up details in his kidney. The doctor also revealed that he had urinary tract infection, but can be cured with antibiotics. She also prescribed some painkillers (Tramadol) and medicines for his nausea along with a reminder to drink lots of fluid but no to coffee and tea (maybe that was why he threw up just now because I smelled coffee from his vomit). But apart from that, he can rest up at home. Yay! I can bring my hubby home!

After thanking the kind doctor and picking up the medicines, Ajim drove us home. The painkiller shot from earlier had almost knocked Abang out completely, so I helped him to bed immediately after arriving home. I tried to coax him to eat the medicines, but he was already fast asleep. I watched him for a long time trying to fall asleep racking with guilt from earlier. I wasn’t myself as I myself was unwell and hormonal. Sian Abang… I promise I will take care of you tonight and devote 200% of my love and attention to your well-being… I love you… We love you… Me and Aleesya love you…

Shopping for Aleesya! (Round 1)

My own Po from Kung Fu Panda!

 After over 10 years of just browsing and looking longingly at baby's stuff at Jusco and baby shops, I finally did baby shopping of my own! For my own baby! Yippee!! Thanks Abang for taking me to Mom's Care and Jusco at Midvalley Megamall last night.

We have already received some giveaways and some gifts for Aleesya from our family, but we still have much to get! So I started by preparing a list, a more thorough list. Me and Abang prepared one a few months ago, but they were not prepared by professional parents, instead we were both over eager parents-to-be who just jotted down anything that came to mind. Aie advised us that we will only utilize half of the stuff most first time parents bought for their first born, and ended up paying a king's ransom for it. 


So I talked to a few experts (Maz and Fad from work, thanks gals!) and came up with the list! Some of the stuff on it I already have, but the rest I just couldn't wait to get! So I checked out cot, as Abang has already assembled the Sweet Cherry baby cot I bought Nuqman back then. Aleesya pinjam ye, Nuqman... Batu tungku for Mummy is at Mama's house... And after we checked off a few more things we already have, we were set to shop! But of course, this was the first of many trips to come. We just completed Round 1...


Without even the thought of dinner on our minds, we went straight to Mum's Care after parking at P2 South Court of Midvalley Megamall. Abang's friend Isla from Radio Island band, told him that we can get good stuff there as his own wife works there. Abang called her up and she awaited for us to arrive and immediately imparted her vast knowledge on what we can get the baby. We were definitely very jakun looking at everything. I mean, it's not that we were complete ignorant fools. We have browsed a few times at Jusco but never got around to buying. Now, when we were finally gonna buy, we did not know where to start! Thanks to Isla's wife, we did not look like kids at a candy store for the first time. She helped us through, and this are the things we got at Mum's Care:

Cutest booties ever!

• First Year BPA Free Baby Feeding Bottles 3 pack
• First Year Double Scrubber Bottle Brush
• First Year Deluxe Nail Clipper with Magnifier
• Bumble Bee Travel Mattress Set
• Bumble Bee Pink Booties Socks
• 2-in-1 Pink Bath Towels
• 2 piece set Long Sleeve and Long Pants Pink/White (2 sets)
• Striped Pink Bunny Hooded Blanket
• Bumble Bee 100% Cotton Receiving Blankets -  3 pieces
• and a Mum's Care Membership Club free!!!

After ringing Aleesya's stuff up, we asked Sheila (Isla's wife) to care for our purchases at the store while we run off to Jusco to get more baby's essentials. Thought of dinner still eluded us. We were that excited! But Abang had to slow down for my sake because my tummy kept doing that uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions. Long story short, we finally got to the baby's section and again, we were clueless as where to start. But here is what we got:

• Tenderly Hankerchief Towel - 4 pieces
• Pureen Napkin Rash Cream
• Tollyjoy Napkins - 10 pieces
• Pureen Wipes 2 x 200
• Pureen Travel Baby Wipes
• Pureen Kiddi Wash Detergent
• Tolljoy Baby Suit
• Pureen Pride & Joy Baby Suit
• Pureen Pride & Joy Short Sleeve & Short Pants x 2
• Pigeon White Long Sleeve and Long Pants Rompers
• Anakku  Booties, Mittens and Hat Set
• Pureen Pride & Joy Booties and Mittens x 3
• Baby Binders (with strings)
• Nursing Pads (for Mummy)
• Pureen Cotton Buds

My God, a lot of Pureen in our bags... Anyway, we were so happy that on the way home I insisted I sit with everything in front. Of course I couldn't fit. And I kept looking inside the plastic bags as if if I won't see it again. When we got home (after our overdue dinner at Brahim Maju) it was near midnight. Abang was in pain already as his back has been giving him hell for quite some time. I paid more to attention to the baby's stuff than I did him! Sorry Abang... Anyway, I laid out everything nicely on the couch and begin snapping away! So many pink stuff. I didn't want to become those typical mums who bought pink stuff just because their baby is a girl, but it looks like I have been cursed as well. Before going to bed, I separated everything and put aside what needs to be laundered and what needs to be put away. I put the mattress in the cot, and filled up the baby's bag (courtesy of Shahnaz) with a small packet of 8 diapers and traveling baby wipes. As soon as I have washed Aleesya's baby wear, I will prepare her bag ready for the hospital. And my bag needs packing too!

Abang promised to get me the First Year Breast Pump before I return to work after confinement (yay!). And as I have mentioned, this was the first round... Round 2 will commence soon (no money no talk, ma...)!! More pink stuff!!!

False alarm...

Throughout last night, I have been having painful cramps that come and go. My belly would harden and tighten every now and then, and that scared me. I thought I was going into early labour as I guessed they were contractions. But when they did not progress into frequent and more painful episodes, I decided that they must have been the infamous Braxton Hicks contractions. I must have triggered them by walking too much and too far. 


It looks like I will have to take it easy for a while. But I cannot help the walking. As I walk to the KTM Commuter station from work, I guess unless my water breaks then I will just hail a cab. In the meantime, my swollen elephant-feet will have to hang in there... Mummy is sorry, Aleesya, you must be uncomfortable in there... Mummy loves you...

Dear Aleesya...

Dear Aleesya, our precious princess,

It's been 7 trying months since Mummy and Bapak are patiently awaiting your arrival. We have been through hell and back again. There were many ups and downs, and Alhamdulillah, God showed us that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for all our worries…. And that light is you!

With your growing cuteness and rapid development in Mummy’s tummy, Bapak and Mummy are always ecstatic when you give Mummy a kick, a punch, a tickle, a whirl, a nudge or any form of movement you choose to deliver. During the times when Mummy would turn on her favourite music, tune to the mp3 Al-Quran, or when Bapak sings to you over Mummy’s rounded belly, you would be doing flips and flops! Mummy hopes they are of joy or happiness… Because we noticed that you are most responsive to music and sounds… truly you are your father’s daughter. J

Aleesya darling,

We have two more months before we finally meet you. Truthfully, Mummy always grieved to Bapak that Mummy is nervous about meeting you for the first time. Mummy has waited for you all her life, and to finally meet you will probably be nerve-wrecking to her. So we are occupying ourselves with the preparation of your arrival. Things are a bit hectic and tough outside the comfort of your warm cocoon, but we are managing it. Bapak is a real trooper, and he is the pillar of Mummy’s strength, apart from God Almighty. Mummy would have crumbled without him. You will love Bapak immensely, and Mummy knows you will be proud of him as he will never let any harm come to you and Mummy.

My precious Aleesya,

We are so excited and anxious to meet you next month that we have been listing your essentials over and over again. Mummy finally got some professional help (from her friends who are moms!) and has the perfect list already. We are going shopping tonight or tomorrow night, and we are most happy…

Aleesya sayang,

Please pray along with Bapak and Mummy that the last two months are uneventful. Mummy promises that Mummy will take the utmost care in ensuring you are healthy until Uncle Kamal helps deliver you into the world. Bapak also promises that he will do his best making sure his two girls are doing great. Yes, Mummy has a hard time sleeping and constantly gets back and tummy pains, but Mummy knows it will all be worth it when we finally see you.

This is only the beginning of our lifelong adventure together, and with the guidance from Allah SWT, Bapak and Mummy promise to try our best in making our princess’ life a happy one.

We love you, darling…  


Lots of love,
Bapak and Mummy

There and back again... from depression...

Have you ever been to that bottomless pit, and you feel like you have hit rock bottom, and that you landed so hard on your backside that you just know for sure that there is no way in hell (or heaven) that you can muster a single ounce of energy to pick yourself back up? What more to hurl yourself out of that bottomless pit? Then I myself have just experienced a pang of depression. Mine lasted 24 hours. How did I get out of it? My loving husband brought me back, after many failed methods to bring me around... I still have not been brought out of my reverie entirely yet, as I have not trusted myself to open my mouth and talk yet. Things are still too bleak for me.

Things started spiraling out of control yesterday during a heated argument... my hormones must really hate me! I just took everything way too seriously, 10 times fold in fact! That landed me in bed mulling things over trying to get my emotions in check. Then I received a phone call which brought the bad news of a lifetime! The bad news that totally shook my world and could change everything I have hoped for. Crying wasn't satisfactory enough... I feel the need to torture and punish myself for believing that things really could get better. But it got worse. There I was, lost in my own world, oblivious to everything around me. My stomach rumbled, signaling it was time to feed myself. But I did not feel a sliver of hunger. Then my head pounded. My migraine was worse than ever, but still it felt like a million light years away. Even my husband's voice could not reach me enough to pry me away from my comfortable bottomless pit, of which I had no intention of leaving. 

Day turned into night, night turned into morning and morning turned into noon. God willing, my husband was strong enough to finally pull me out. I regained the senses to the world that I have detached myself from the day before. Only I still yet have to feel hungry and thirsty. Syeela texted then, bearing supposed good news. She said we can still salvage the damage. But I am not pinning any more hope on anything. We are to go to Shah Alam in a while. I don't know why and for what I want to go on anymore. What do I have to look forward to now?

Maybe I should think about my innocent unborn child. I will try to live, but for the baby. Apart from that, there is nothing to life anymore. I am alone. If I fall, no one will catch me... Let me go back to that bottomless pit...

Of rotten teeth and rotten tummy...

Today's escapade with Aie, Shahnaz, Arman and baby Alya (along with Bibi) brought the whole lot of us to Midvalley at 10.30am. Alya was already cranky from the start (perhaps from the abrupt wake up call upon arrival) and Arman was wheeling the baby stroller. Alya did not seem to want to leave the sanctuary of her Mummy's arms...

We hit MPH bookstores first and distracted Arman from Toyz R Us with the promise of a dinosaur book from his Bapak. After a choosy and difficult time selecting the books the kids really like (no dinosaur books in sight, poor Arman!), we headed off towards Food Junction on level 3. I was glad Shahnaz suggested I looked up some baby books. I ended up browsing through a copy on giving birth. Yikes! Somebody give me an epidural now! However, so far I was feeling great, apart from the occasional abdominal pain and the impending migraine that threatened to burst a vessel very soon.

Before going for lunch, Aie decided we could perhaps enjoy a little furry time at the pet store! Wee! It made me so darn maternal! Or perhaps I just so much wanted to adopt one of the cute pets... And then I saw the snake! Ooooh I would love one. Arman became excited with  the birds, as he referred them as the Angry Birds! So funny, Arman... 

Next, we saw the fishes!! Ooooh they were a delight to watch. I think I was even more enthralled in them and their exotic aquarium habitat than the kids. It reminded me of my Papa's own fish tank, where he just simply mixed all types of turtles, fishes and shellfish into one tank. They sort of ate each other. At the pet store, it somehow gave me a piece of mind, and I was already imagining my own cute little fish tank... My next project to save money for: my own exotic fish tank! And then Aie hollered and waved us over to where he and Arman were. Another fish tank with more exotic fishes... and Nemo, his Dad and even Dory!! It was a sight to behold...! The Nemo in the tank was even baby sized to give us the impression that it was Nemo. There was even a fish that resembled Shark Bait! I love Disney...

Finally, it was off to lunch. I was hungry and looking forward to fill the empty crevice that was my stomach. For breakfast I had some french toast and figured I was on my way to having regular meals soon. I was given the freedom to go wander and look for what interested me. I settled on Assam Laksa, the only thing there that ignited my appetite with a glass of ice cold lemon tea. I saw the condiments tray, and immediately filled up a little container with cili potong! I was salivating already. I am a slow eater, so when I arrived at the table, I couldn't wait to dig in. Fortunately, the others did not mind I started first. Shahnaz was already feeding the kids. I took my first bite and... OUCH!! My teeth and gums hurt! I thought they were on the mend! It looks like I am indeed calcium deprived... In the end I managed to only swallow one fourth of the noodles without chewing and finished slurping the soup. I was near to gagging and choking, and couldn't handle anymore of the solid food. My tummy continued to rumble long after we left the food court. I tried to rack my brains on what else I could consume without putting my teeth and gums to anymore torturous endeavours. 

Our final stop (I was still trying to rack my brains here) was Guardian, which I requested we stop by. My poor hubby has been very unwell the past week, with diarrhea which I think some certain food which has gone bad at this certain place is to be blamed.the poor man has been going to the toilet non-stop and vomited anything he ate. Until now his body repelled anything he ingested. I have been begging him to let me take him to the clinic but he prefers not to. So at Guardian (one of my fave place of all!) I asked the pharmacist anything at all that can help his condition. She passed 3 kinds of medication, which I pray to the Lord Almighty will help subside his worsened condition.

After paying for the drugs, we left Midvalley and walked through The Gardens to get to the parking lot. One day I will do all my shopping here with my endless stream of cash and pamper myself and my family with all the goodies available here (my inner mind theater)! For now, I would just look longingly... All of a sudden, a sweet smell beckoned me and tempted my roaring tummy, and I turned around and saw... Big Apple!! I knew that this can go down my throat as the donut is very soft and practically melts in your mouth. No, I am not exaggerating. I got in line and bought 2 Iceberg donuts (double the mouth melting), one for me and one for Arman. I took a few bites and decided that I was still putting the insides of my mouth through more unnecessary torturous endeavours... Sigh... I'll try to finish up later at home.

At home, Mak has arrived from Melaka! She was tired but still entertained the lot of us. I gave Syeel a call to tell her not to pick me up as I will not follow her to Rawang today. I want to look after Basham when he comes home tonight, as I don't want to leave him alone in his very weakened state. I was also hoping I could cajole him into going to the clinic tonight. Syeela said as long as I come home the next day, coz Papa has arrived from Medan and wants to see me, and they want to celebrate his homecoming, Sam's birthday and Mother's Day all rolled into one (as is our usual custom). I promised to after Basham's condition has shown a satisfying improvement. 

I finally felt tired, and will go home for a bath or two (I am always sweating easily these days...) and perhaps try to nap out my fatigue. But first I need to pack up Basham's medicines and pass to Aie, who can pass it to him at Ampang...

Whew, what a day... but it was a great stress reliever after what has transpired these past week and also last night... To Aie and Shahnaz, thanks for a great day out... I needed it...

Shall we do the rain dance?

It's been unusually hot out there under the sun... plus, the haze is back. I started wheezing all of a sudden when my asthma has not said hi to me in over 2 months! Even hubby said his cigarette tasted better than inhaling the air.

But no matter, anything that God gave us is a blessing. Now you can even do your laundry at 5pm and still it will dry up to perfect crispiness before 7pm. Those taking public transport can be rest assured their shoes will not be muddy by the end of the day. So we need to count our blessings instead (despite some minor grumbling, even mine... teehee) and pray for God to perhaps give us a bit of rain to quench our parched skin. He is Merciful to those who are Grateful...

Thank you Allah, Cinta Agungku... My baby and me thank you for the rumbling sound of thunder in the distance and the many tweets on the rain now scattering in many parts of this equatorial country... Alhamdulillah... Thou art Merciful and Generous...

Nearing the end of first trimester...

My appetite is picking up, instead of eating once every other day, i can now eat at least once a day... Yay! Hubby is ecstatic that he is indulging my every whim. 

The other day, I was lying on my stomach, and I felt a kick! or maybe it was gas? I don't think a kick would be felt right now, so it must be gas. I just thought my baby was annoyed that I squished it by lying on my tumy... Mummy's sorry, Baby! Won't happen again though... Hubby dah marah hehe...

Apart from my busy schedule thinking on what to eat, I am not over the death of my beloved cousin, the handsome and gold-hearted Arwah Abang Bad... as well as my beloved father-in-law... I miss them dearly... the recent loss of Abg Bad rekindled my memories of Bapak and how loving and welcoming to me he was since the first day I met him as Basham's girlfriend... And now Abg Bad has left us... My tears flowed constantly as I recalled my time with him since childhood. It not only brought tears to my eyes, but laughter to my heart as each memories of us and our close-knitted family danced in my mind. Al-fatihah to Bapak and Abg Bad, who are with God who loves you more... My unborn bundle of joy is a reminder of God to me, that Allah's gift of life is precious and we should appreciate those who are still with us... Amin...

As of now, I have lots on my plate, planning and working my way through many stuff, and pray to the Almighty that it will be successful... I have Syeela by my side to do this with... God willing, we will achieve success... Amin...

Fatigue Fighter... SO NOT!

Since my pregnancy (yay!!) 9 weeks ago, I have been experiencing symptoms that only unlucky pregnant women get. My twin's was a breeze, ate like there was no tomorrow, and was super active! Mine? Fatigue around the clock, intense nausea, toothache and bleeding gums, gas and bloating, shortness of temper, eating only 3 meals a week, and etc etc etc... Hubby is most patient with me, and for that, I love him so much... God will repay you in Jannah, Abang...

Regardless of this annoying symptoms, i feel like the luckiest woman alive as I am gifted by God with the miracle of life! I truly cannot wait to see my baby on 24 November 2011. I have had my first ultrasound at Damansara Medical Centre, and my gynecologist is my very own uncle, Doc Kamal... I fell in love with my baby at first sight... I wanna upload my ultrasound soon... but here's a peek at how my baby looks like now...

Mummy loves you!! Good night, Sayang...

Yesterday was a bittersweet day for me. It was a darker cloud that hung above Raja Hisham Raja Azaham’s family. Our beloved father has taken a turn for the worse and is now still at Selayang Hospital.

When I arrived yesterday evening after rushing from work on hearing my fiancé’s crying voice, my mother-in-law to be motioned us to her. She warned us what the doctor had said. He had days, weeks or months left. The doctor said DO NOT show any sad emotion in front of him. If we’re sad, it must not be expressed in front of him. We got to Bed 12, and my fiancé took one look at his Dad and swiftly walked away to stifle a sob. After gaining composure, he came back to his bedside and greeted his father as cheerfully as he could. I cannot begin to imagine the pain he had to go through. Upon seeing him, my heart cried scanning his arms and hands and found needles sticking in from various points all at once. He looked so pale and exhausted that I felt compelled to do something. Anything. I felt so helpless.

 Nana arrived at the same time with us, but Ajim was already there. Aie and the twins couldn’t make it that evening because of the traffic in Shah Alam, and it was nearing the end of the visiting hours. My family was informed. Papa prayed from Rawang, with a promise to visit the next day. Mama and Ayah wanted to come visit but it was too late for them to come. Visiting hours had expired.

My fiancé’s uncle came with his family, and it started to get crowded. His dad was keeping a brave front for everyone. It was apparent that he did not want people to see how sick he was. Forcing himself to smile and entertain his visitors, I knew it was a Herculean feat. Again, my heart ached to think about his pain.

A nurse walked by and announced that visiting hours has ended… half-heartedly, we kissed him goodbye, and walked out of the hospital with lead in our hearts, and tears in our eyes… each to his or her own thoughts…

Raja Azaham Raja Adnan, we love you…

11.1.11

11.1.11

The date itself is perfect. A unison of the number 1… What can the number one represent? Perhaps it can mean starting from square one again… this fact holds true for my beloved cousin/sister, Farah Hayati Salim. After years of adversities and sufferings, her perseverance and patience are justly rewarded.

Chapter One, a new beginning, a fresh start… call it what we want… but this is what I wish for my dear sister. May she finally find the blissful joy and happiness with the one who has truly captured her heart, encompassing it in its entirety, leaving no room for doubt and mistrust. Faris Abdul Gani. In you I entrust wholeheartedly my beloved sister. In your hands I lay my precious sister for you to nurture and treasure. And in you we trust to always cherish her as you have sworn to do. Again and again you have proven yourself worthy to be her savior. You are the one.

Today is a celebration. A joyous occasion where it is a waste of time to ponder on those best left forgotten, and take full charge of what the future can offer…

Farah Hayati Salim and Faris Abdul Gani…

FaRaRezz…

Today is your day…