Have you ever been to that bottomless pit, and you feel like you have hit rock bottom, and that you landed so hard on your backside that you just know for sure that there is no way in hell (or heaven) that you can muster a single ounce of energy to pick yourself back up? What more to hurl yourself out of that bottomless pit? Then I myself have just experienced a pang of depression. Mine lasted 24 hours. How did I get out of it? My loving husband brought me back, after many failed methods to bring me around... I still have not been brought out of my reverie entirely yet, as I have not trusted myself to open my mouth and talk yet. Things are still too bleak for me.
Things started spiraling out of control yesterday during a heated argument... my hormones must really hate me! I just took everything way too seriously, 10 times fold in fact! That landed me in bed mulling things over trying to get my emotions in check. Then I received a phone call which brought the bad news of a lifetime! The bad news that totally shook my world and could change everything I have hoped for. Crying wasn't satisfactory enough... I feel the need to torture and punish myself for believing that things really could get better. But it got worse. There I was, lost in my own world, oblivious to everything around me. My stomach rumbled, signaling it was time to feed myself. But I did not feel a sliver of hunger. Then my head pounded. My migraine was worse than ever, but still it felt like a million light years away. Even my husband's voice could not reach me enough to pry me away from my comfortable bottomless pit, of which I had no intention of leaving.
Day turned into night, night turned into morning and morning turned into noon. God willing, my husband was strong enough to finally pull me out. I regained the senses to the world that I have detached myself from the day before. Only I still yet have to feel hungry and thirsty. Syeela texted then, bearing supposed good news. She said we can still salvage the damage. But I am not pinning any more hope on anything. We are to go to Shah Alam in a while. I don't know why and for what I want to go on anymore. What do I have to look forward to now?
Maybe I should think about my innocent unborn child. I will try to live, but for the baby. Apart from that, there is nothing to life anymore. I am alone. If I fall, no one will catch me... Let me go back to that bottomless pit...
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